Daejeon, South Korea - Disgruntled Hanhwa ace Ryu Hyeon-jin has announced that he is breaking free from the KBO's oppressive collective bargaining agreement and has declared war on any and all involved with KBO management. "Losing Lee Beom-ho was the last straw. It's bad enough that we came in last place, but I'm surrounded by guys who couldn't handle the Korean Celebrity Baseball League. I understand why Kim Taek-gyun left. He's got a family to feed...and then there's his posse, but Lee was the HEART of our team. How many games are we going to win next year? 20? I'm supposed to waste my already surgically repaired arm on this? This time...they've gone too far."
The Hanhwa ace jumped into the tank and, despite repeated knocks, refused to come out. Our reporter on the scene ventured near the tank, but could only hear what could be described as the sound of "someone softly sobbing into a puffy vest." Ryu's representatives could not be reached for comment.
Meanwhile, fearing the worst from Ryu's anger, Hanhwa teammates handed out supplies to the terrified populace in Daejon. One Eagle was quoted as saying, "It's the least we can do. I mean, we can't win games or anything, so we should try to help out as best we can. Just get this stuff handed out...and pray for the best." TSOKB reporting.